i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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