JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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