i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
