I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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