Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
