I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
