The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
