just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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