I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize