we have pet lesbian snakes
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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