there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
