i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
