a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
