My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You may now shotgun with the bride
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
