I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
