Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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