Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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