im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
