Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
