I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear