Someone shit on the floor
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.