well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
