he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
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Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
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Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife