Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
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I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.