I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
