I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
