Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
