I wanna passion pit in your ass
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
