you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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