That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
