i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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