Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
