so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize