first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
