I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
