just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
