where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I touched a dick in church today
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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