Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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