I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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