I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
