Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
