Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
