as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
