i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize