Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Drake has all the answers
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
