My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
