I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So vagazzling was a success
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
