1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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