i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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