It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
