i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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