1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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