I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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