Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
