Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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