i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
