I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
