I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
