are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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