Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
