you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
