i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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