I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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