I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
