I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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