I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
