that's an acceptable place to lick
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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