What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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