Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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