the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
