Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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