honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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