dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
