Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
