I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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