Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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