I'm eating all of the evidence.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
