Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
