a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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