Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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