We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
what day is it and did you see me today?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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